You seem too happy to reveal yourself ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What the fuck.... I had an epiphany not even ten seconds ago. It was so massive that I thought, "fuck, I better write this down in my journal three people read". Never-the-fucking-less, I realized something massive! Okay, lets start from the beginning:.... I have always been so upset when people I love start sleeping around, it has always bothered me. Now, I am a virgin (which, for those of you who read this piece of shit on a semi regular basis, already know) and I always thought that it was my 'high and mighty' morals that was the problem. But I figured something out tonight: I have had a lot of shitty sexual experiences and that is my whole issue. There of course is the one big one, that no matter what, will always fuck me up. But that is not reason to feel weird around other people just because they are happy/content/etc. enought with themselves to fuck (not being ugly, but in most cases that is just what it is). You know, I have always wanted to wait until I'm married to fuck, but, like I said, I figured something out tonight: so long as I get over the bad shit, I should be able to fuck whoever I want, am I right? Sex is not a subject I bring up on here too often, but I have too say, I am a 21 year old virgin so cut me some fucking slack. I know it may seem dirty too some, but a one night stand is one of the things I've always wanted too do. I know it will never happen, but, you know. I have very low self-esteem. I hate my body and myself most of the time. The only time I'm happy is when I'm drinking, which, in turn, causes me to vent like this. However, I do feel that this is the only time I'd ever say anything like this. when I'd been drinking. I don't do drugs, but I think about it.
Lemme know, please.
11:22 p.m. - 2005-09-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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